Happy Easter!

"He is not here; he has risen just as he said."

Matthew 28:6

Good Friday

“So they took Jesus, and he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called the place of a skull, which is called in Hebrew Golgotha. There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them.”
– John 19:17-18

Holy Week: Otherwise Known as My Favorite Week of the Year

Today marks the beginning of, what has become, my favorite week of the year. I've always loved the celebration of Easter but since I started observing Lent on my own, and then later on with our family, the joy of the Resurrection has become that much greater for me. For five weeks now, we have prepared, waited and watched for the resurrection of Our Lord. It has been a colder and frostier winter than usual for our part of the country. We're tired........wearied by the cold. On the calendar, spring arrived over a week ago. In our hearts, a new season is about to dawn. We can all sense it coming and the excitement is building.

This year, especially, the anticipation feels very great and very emotional to me. Maybe it's because I was confined to the couch a year ago and had to experience it all in stillness from home.

This morning at church, all the crosses were shrouded in preparation for the observances of this week. It was unsettling not to have those crosses as visual reminders of our redemption. I felt uncomfortable, almost vulnerable. And I thought of all those who, everyday, live without the hope of the cross in their lives.

My prayer, at this sacred time of year, is that the hope of Jesus's blood poured out for you and me will be experienced in a powerful way in our hearts.

Last year, I posted some links for observances of Stations of the Cross. I heard from friends who were blessed by those links so I'm posting them again this year.

Stations of the Cross

The Cross as a Journey: Stations of the Cross for Protestant Worship

Lord Jesus, come in glory!

Our Miracle Girl

Almost 11 1/2 years ago, we learned that the sweet little baby girl I was carrying at the time was not healthy. That news was the beginning of a very emotional and trying journey through the rest of that pregnancy. It was a pregnancy filled with ultrasounds, consultations, tears, and much much prayers as we wondered if we should prepare for a birth or a funeral. Friends cried and prayed and waited with us. Through it all, our faithful God stayed very close to us and kept His mighty hand on that little girl.

Today she is eleven.

A handful of ultrasounds, x-rays, CT Scans and one very scary lung surgery later, she continues to bless us daily with laughter and creativity.

We love you Juliette!

Thoughts on a New Year

I thought I would be thrilled to see 2009 (with all it's trials and tribulations) go. But the fact is, in those weak moments, God met us mightily and in the end, He was glorified in all of that mess. It feels a bit melancholy to be facing a wide open new year with all of it's unknowns. (God, really, I'd be just fine with a terribly boring and uneventful year - thank you very much.) I'll be posting my reading list soon which will likely give some clues as to what I'm being prodded to work on this year. In the meantime, I'm prayerfully pondering this blog's place in our family. Happy New Year to all of you and your families.

**After posting this entry earlier today, I perused my Google Reader and found this. (You may remember my friend Colleen - really a "cyber-aquaintance" who reached out to me during my bedrest - who lost sweet Bryce in September.) The things she writes often resonate in my own heart. Today is no different. Lots of wisdom there.

Emmanuel.....Our God is With Us!

Merry Christmas!

Thankful Hearts

Recently I was transferring all of our 2009 family photos from one computer to another. As they imported onto the new computer they flashed quickly across the screen, one by one.....sort of a slide show of our lives for the past 11 months. Each image that passed was a sobering reminder of the depths of our suffering and the heights of our joy but mostly of the Lord's abiding faithfulness through it all. This year, Thanksgiving is especially precious. Although the Lord shows his faithfulness to us every year, the trials of this particular year have made His blessings to us all the more sweet. Many of YOU have shared the ups and downs of this year with us. We are so thankful for you for being instruments of God's faithfulness to us.

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. 4 For the sake of Jacob my servant, of Israel my chosen, I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor, though you do not acknowledge me.
Is. 45: 3-4

Unintentional Internet Fast - Lessons from the Unconnected Life

We experienced, what I at first considered, a most unfortunate internet fast last week. My laptop was unable to connect for 6 days during which time our family computer also was "attacked" by what appears to be either a virus or malware. Upon realizing that our predicament wasn't going to be fixed quickly, I moved my laptop out of the kitchen, where it normally lives, turned off our most disagreeable family desktop and lamented how much I'll miss my daily email and blog reads. And then I began to notice some really interesting things.

• The laundry I started on Wednesday morning got dried, folded and put away.....on WEDNESDAY!
• Thursday, when we worked halfway through lunchtime without realizing it, I hadn't one time looked at my watch wondering if it was time to check my email yet.
• A pile of books (really three piles but stacked into one gigantic mountain) that had waited - I kid you not - MONTHS to be moved onto shelves are now neatly resting on shelves.
• We played games.
• We read aloud.
• On Friday night, when August was able to finally get my laptop connected again.......I felt sad.
  

I don't think this unintentional experiment means we need to pull the plug completely but it does mean that for me, cyberspace is a bit like the chip bowl at a Christmas party. If I park myself too close to the bowl, I'll have downed half of it before even coming up for air. With a little space between the bowl and myself, moderation is so much easier to exercise. The use of my time is much the same way. Without even realizing it, I can get lured into my computer screen and not even notice the minutes ticking away.......or the people (both little and big) needing my attention until a half hour later.

The beginning of Advent, the season which not only prepares our hearts to welcome an infant Savior but also heralds the beginning of a new Church year, is quickly approaching. We were challenged this morning at church to ask ourselves how we would live the next year if we knew we were going to die November 15, 2010. Hmmmm..... The little and big people around here need me - all of me. I need them. And we all need so much more of Jesus. I think the laptop will live tucked away in a corner for a while.

Happy and Holy Weekend

This weekend we were so blessed to have (almost) all of our favorite people join us for Brayden's baptism. For so many reasons, this baptism was extra special to us. We were so thankful to all who joined us despite not giving them a whole lot of notice.



We also used the occasion as an opportunity to bless those who literally fed and carried (translated as "drove our kids all over town") us through the past 3 months. I can't imagine living through that very challenging time without the help and support of o
ur wonderful, WONDERFUL friends. With that in mind, we prepared some favorite Indonesian dishes and enjoyed some great fellowship and food together after the baptism.



It was absolutely worth every ounce of effort to pull the event together but suffice it to say some of us were utterly exhausted once it was over.

(Yes, I know the APA highly discourages the tummy sleeping position for babies. Brayden does not normally sleep on his tummy. He just happened to be slumped in his sister's lap in a near comatose state when she slid him on to the chair for this picture. Be assured he had highly trained medical professionals monitoring his every breath during the entire "photo shoot"!! :-) )

Paw Prints Along the Path

Have you ever had an experience where you realize that what you thought would be a seemingly mundane encounter with someone is instead a divine appointment perfectly orchestrated by God himself? I have a friend who likes to say that Aslan is on the move when she sees God at work in her life or in someone's close by. I love that image of the Lord quietly padding about my life watching, working, and always loving despite my frequent oblivion to it. I had a conversation today that reminded me of this image and I felt so thankful for those times the Lord allows us to see the tangible evidence of his presence - his paw prints if you will.

Our family has grown close to a woman who I'll call "Hope" since I wish that so much for this sweet lady. Hope lost her husband, the love of her life, suddenly, back in the fall. He was hunting with a friend and they had taken a break. Apparently the spot where they chose to rest was breathtakingly beautiful because it caused Hope's husband to ponder God's beauty and the splendor of His creation aloud to his friend. After that, Hope's beloved dropped to the ground suffering a heart attack. He died right there in the woods. August, who had known Hope and her husband for quite some time, was one of the first people Hope called that painful day.

Last night, August and I were discussing plans for Brayden's upcoming baptism. I was telling him that we needed to figure out what Brayden would wear for the occasion. For many reasons, this baptism is ultra-special and I wanted him to wear something special but had no ideas what that might be. Instantly August's face lit up as he remembered that Hope had a little business sewing heirloom special occasion infant and childrens' clothing.

I was a little hesitant to call Hope since the baptism is only 10 days away but I did it anyway knowing it was probably a long shot. When she realized why I was calling, she told me the story of how she had been in her sewing room when she learned of her husband's death and hasn't been able to go back there since. She shared that her family members have been nudging her to get back to sewing but she just hasn't felt ready. She has been waiting for some special occasion to get her over the hump and back into the sewing room. Apparently, Brayden's baptism is just that. Her joy at the idea of creating such a special garment for Brayden was palpable over the phone lines. We set a time to get together and talk about ideas for the baptismal gown.

After hanging up the phone, I stood there stunned at how much Hope and I had needed each other today and didn't even know it. What began as our family's need is also being used as a healing balm in Hope's heart.

God could have kept me in the dark today and I wouldn't have known the difference. Yet, instead, He lovingly allowed me to glimpse the paw prints and I'm so very glad.

Countdown to The End.......Or Rather the Beginning

(This post was written 3 days before Brayden's birth but never published. The content is even more true now.)

In the past week, I've had two different conversations with folks who assumed we would "be done" having children after this one. The conversations included questions like this:

"You're not planning to have any more, right?"

or

"At least you know, since I'm sure you're not going to have any more, that you'll never have to go through something like this again, right?"

I really understand where they are coming from. Really I do. I'm 41 years old and about to have my fifth baby. August is older still (shhhhh......he really doesn't look it). Why would we add more to an already "oversized" family? Furthermore, we homeschool and we care for August's widowed mother who lives with us. Our plates are full enough, we're told.

But I guess my question is......who decides the size of the plate?

Seven years ago, I thought we did. Eliza had surprised us and we were stunned......and done! I couldn't imagine "handling" any more....and this was even after much prayer. But God had some things to say to me, to us. And this "conversation" between us and Our Lord would last years.

Soon after Eliza's birth, I read an article entitled The Baby IS The Lesson. (I'd encourage you to click over and read it......or if you don't have time now, come back later and give it a read. You don't have to have a newborn in the house to glean something useful from it.) Upon reading that article, I became the student, and Eliza (or God through Eliza) the teacher. Recesses of my heart, that I didn't even know existed, were opened. I was challenged to rethink my priorities and those things I thought I should be teaching/modeling to my children. I was challenged to reconsider how much importance I assigned to my own agenda for each day or even for my life. I was challenged to rethink my definitions of success and accomplishment. We (August and I) were challenged to rethink the value we place on our children and also our openness (or lack thereof) to new life in our family.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:24-25

I was, up until that point, a happy and contented grain of wheat. So much so, that my decisions were calculated in a way that would hopefully avoid any need for death to myself. I wasn't a horrible mother but I wanted to serve God in ways that I got to decide. I had plans and projects - good and noble - yet many of them distracted me from my family. And although I was glad to work my children in around those things, I did not understand that my children WERE the agenda. How much better would my children understand the sacrifice of Jesus for them on the cross if they were to see their own mother living sacrificially.

"Behold, sons are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the son's of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them!" Psalm 127:3-5

I'd love to do a word study on the word "happy" in the above verse. I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean a life without trials or pain but I'll bet it has a lot to do with fulfillment, lasting meaning, and joy. As I witnessed this "happiness" in families around us, I began to long for it and I noticed that the more I put aside my own plans and embraced what God had for me, the more peace and joy I experienced. Over time, it became clear that in our family, embracing what God had for us meant being open to more children - regardless of our ages, regardless of the size of our family already, regardless of not being understood (and possibly even being judged or mocked) by much of the world.

This baby that we'll all meet within the next two weeks is a culmination and a beginning. He is the culmination of many, many years of struggling, wrestling, and longing. He is an answer to 7 years (down to the month) of prayer. (Incidentally, the number 7 in the bible refers to fullness, completeness, or perfection.) He is evidence of changed hearts; and he is a sign of God's undeserved faithfulness and mercy. While I'd like to think this mama is more dead to herself than ever before, I'm sure I've still lots to learn. And I'm so glad the Lord has sent this little man to help me continue on in those lessons.

So maybe my plate is full now and maybe it's not. The truth is, I don't know the size of the plate, but I know the One who does and I'm keeping my eyes on Him.

Brayden's Story

Has it really been a week since I went to bed very late Tuesday night (actually early Wednesday morning) and just as I was getting myself comfortable (a feat which was no small task) felt that familiar and fear-inducing warm gush. This gush was different though. It kept coming and coming. I remember thinking how all along I had feared hemorrhaging and this was finally it. I remember wondering if I would pass out due to blood loss before we got to the hospital. I was so, so scared.

August had just gotten in the shower moments before and couldn't hear me calling for him. I desperately did not want to stand up because I knew the gushing blood would cover my legs and the carpet, yet I had no choice. I made it to him as fast as I could and let him know it was happening.....again.

It was at that point that I finally looked down and, to my amazement, saw nothing on my legs and nothing on the carpet. My water had broken! And the fluid was clear (a very, very good sign for the health of the baby)! Of all the scenarios I had imagined, this was not one of them.

I also knew, at that moment, that this would be the night we would meet our baby. To say I was freaking out would be a ridiculous understatement. I began to tremble uncontrollably and would do so until we reached the hospital. It was all too much to take in - my water had broken, our baby was on his way, and I was headed for a c-section - that night! I remember August using a very soft, assuring voice in an attempt to calm me down. I wish I could say it worked.....

We arrived at the hospital about 1:30 a.m. and they began prepping me for surgery. It always feels like everything happens so slooooooowly in the hospital and so it seemed I had a loooong time to anticipate the needle they would use for my spinal anesthesia. I know that should have been the least of my worries but the thought of a needle in my back! They also drew my blood in expectation that I would need a transfusion in the OR.

By 3:30 a.m. I was flat on my back with August seated near my head, my legs and torso completely numb, feeling a bit loopy from the Morphine in my anesthesia, and with a blue drape concealing my view of anything lower than my chest level. I remember glancing at the clock then and it was 3:38 a.m. I had heard from August and others that my OB was really fast in the OR so I asked him his best guess for when the baby would be out. He predicted 3:55 a.m. - which would ironically be the time he would be closing me up aftewards.

I remember I could see, through the reflection of the OR lights above me, my OB prepping my belly. I chose not to watch much of the operation in those reflective lights. Instead I waited.........waited for the first hint of his little "voice". I knew if he came out crying, he was likely in good shape. But if he came out quietly, that would not be a good sign. And there it was. First a wimper....and then a good loud squak. They wiped him dry, bundled him with warm blankets, and handed him to me. And our tears just started flowing.

It was 3:46 and while our children and friends slept soundly, sweet Brayden had made his way into the world safely. Bedrest was over. The fear of hemmorhaging to death was over. (I remember saying to August later that day, "I'm so glad I didn't die today.") The fear of losing our baby was over. The goodness of it all was overwhelming. All I could think was, "Look what God has done!!" It was a new day and I couldn't wait to start heralding his arrival to anyone who would listen.

The remaining hours of that night are a little foggy to me. I remember feeling enveloped by peace as I rested in the recovery room. I remember August running back and forth with the camera from the Recovery Room to the Nursery. (Anticipating being separated from the baby for the first several hours, I had given August explicit instructions ahead of time that I wanted him to report EVERYTHING about the baby back to me.) And then I remember them bringing him to me. His blood sugar was alarmingly low and, rather than supplement with formula as a first route, they chose to let me try and nurse him. (A decision for which I'll remain forever grateful.) He nursed well and his blood sugar rose immediately, and was still rising even hours later. There was also fear of him being cold too. So we spent those first hours getting to know one another skin to skin - my body keeping his warm.

As dawn came, we started making calls. First to our girls who weren't surprised that Mom was in the hospital - again. They knew the routine now. Except this time, we had big news. It was such fun to hear the surprise and delight in their voices.

No, this wasn't a night any of us had expected......and there was great rejoicing.

Look What God Has Done!!! WELCOME BRAYDEN DANIEL!!!

I'm too tired to write anything about today. Besides, I don't think I could possibly put my joy into words. But here are some baby shots to hold you over.

Basking in God's goodness, our whole family (all SEVEN of us!!) thanks you for your prayers.

35 Weeks and Eyeing the Finish Line!!!

Here we are at 35 weeks!!!! I can hardly believe I've been on bedrest for 4 weeks. I remember how hard it was emotionally when we first started. It was too painful to look into the future - so many unknowns, so much depending on others to get us through this ordeal, so many fears and anxieties. I literally had to fight to keep my head in each day, taking them one at a time. Anything else was just too overwhelming.....and scary too. And yet, today, I'm beginning to catch glimpses of the finish line. It's coming into view - slowly but surely - and I'm full of joy and excitement. We (our family, our friends, our FAITHFUL GOD) have figured out how to make this work in spite of the challenges. I'll be forever grateful.

I think the fact that the end is near became more real to me yesterday when I called my OB to schedule the date of my c-section.

May 1st!!!!

It's not to say there still aren't unknowns. The truth is I still go to bed everynight wondering if I'll make it 'til morning without any complications. It's a little nervewracking at times. In fact, my current big prayer request is that I can stay out of the hospital this week. One thing is for certain though. Come May 2nd, I will no longer be a pregnant lady. For sometime between now and May 2nd, we will meet our little fella' face to face.. We will hold him and kiss him and begin to tell him the story of his Heavenly Father's lovingkindness and faithfulness to him over all of these hard weeks. I intend to tell him that story over and over for all of his life. This little boy has been prayed for for many, many years. That's a whole separate story in itself. But suffice it to say, I'm excited to watch his life unfold and be part of the adventure.

Many weeks ago, my friend Amy asked me to put a belly shot on here for her to see. I forgot about that request until recently. Here it is my friend. Now, this may appear to be a normal 35 week belly but I tell you, it's not. Apparently, it is soccer field, tennis court, swimming pool, and all around fun place to be - at least according to the activity level of this very strong-legged boy. He gets it naturally with his daddy, grandfather, and greatgrandfather all being tennis fanatics - some of them even nationally ranked so I really can't expect anything less. He has continued to be healthy and active throughout this entire ordeal. For that, I'm so thankful.

35 week belly shot!

Rejoice!

Jesus Christ is risen today! Allelulia!

We've made it to Easter.....in so many ways! Let there be GREAT rejoicing!

Quietly Waiting

We will be taking time to be quiet over the next couple of days as we anticipate the Resurrection.

We wish a blessed Easter to all who stop by here.

Images from www.fisheaters.com

Holy Week: Civil War Reconstruction or the Cross?

August and I made a decision earlier this week which has brought much joy to our children. One evening, during our family devotions, we read these words of Jesus from the Gospel of John.

"You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me."

Hmmm.......that really got my attention. You see, not knowing when this baby may come or how many days I'll spend in the hospital between now and then, it has been my intent to cram in as much school as we can every day. And yet, here we find ourselves in Holy Week, anticipating the Resurrection, and not wanting to miss out on any bit of grace God has for us in it. I'm not implying that the two must be mutually exclusive, but for me, at this particular season, I know that they are. I don't believe our celebration of the Resurrection is meant to be one moment in time but rather an ongoing experience of worship and transformation. Therefore, going back to one of my favorite Laura Berquist quotes, "Formation is more important than information," we have put away the math, grammar, and history books for the week. We've decided, rather than watching Holy Week pass us by, we will actively engage in it, walking the road to the cross with Jesus. I suspect, not only will it be WAY more fun than Civil War Reconstruction, but it will also bear far more eternal fruit.

There is a wonderful centuries old observance called Stations of the Cross (also sometimes referred to as the "Way of the Cross"). The Stations are a series of 14 images representing events on Jesus's road from Pilate's house to the Cross. Interestingly, Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion of the Christ", out several years ago, was based on the Stations of the Cross. Since I am really only just becoming familiar with this ancient devotion, I went hunting online to understand it better. I found some really helpful articles here (The Stations of the Cross and Other Devotions to the Passion) and here (The Cross as a Journey: The Stations of the Cross for Protestant Worship) about this devotion. I had already been thinking the Stations would be a wonderful way to prepare our hearts for Easter when I received a box full of craft supplies from Jen at Wildflowers and Marbles to make mini-Stations for inside our home!

So Tuesday we covered our family room rug with newspapers and that space became craft central. (Can I just say how much out of my comfort zone having tacky glue in the family room places me!!) I stayed on my usual perch while the girls went to town gluing and creating. Smiles, giggles, and singing (with Meredith Andrews) abounded and I'm glad to report there were no glue catastrophes!

My camera battery was dying so I had no flash for most of these photos. They are also taken primarily from only one vantage point - MINE - since I don't move much. Also, I know we could have moved the laundry baskets out of the family room prior to taking the photos but instead we decided to keep it real for you. Come on along on our journey towards Easter!

Since every worthwhile project needs a Project Manager, Marina stepped up to the plate.












I was delighted to hear Eliza counting her popsicle sticks by 2's!









Oh, and once (just one time!) I moved to the other couch so I could also get pictures of Juliette. (No scolding in the comments box if you notice the different camera angle.)

One down, thirteen to go!

Project complete!

Tomorrow evening (Friday), once the sun goes down, we will turn off all the lights in the house and light all 14 votives. One by one, we'll read and meditate on these 14 events leading up to Jesus's death. After each scene, we will pray together and then extinguish that candle. Upon extinguishing the 14th candle, we will be in complete darkness, waiting in anticipation for the Light that is the Resurrected Jesus at Easter.

34 weeks and holding......at least for now

Sorry for this belated 34 week celebration post but, for reasons that I'll explain, I just didn't have it in me to get on here and write anything yesterday. Marina and August both did really great jobs at explaining the scenario of the past two days. It started off as pretty much a repeat of the first time - awake at 4:30 a.m. to a pool of blood, rush to the hospital, baby looks fine and then here's where the two stories begin to differ. This time my contractions just would not stop so I ended up on IV Magnesium Sulfate for 24 hours (although I'll tell you it felt like 24 days). I'll forever refer to that stuff as "Influenza-in-a-bag" because that's really how it makes you feel - like you have the flu. Just imagine the worst you've ever felt - uncomfortable, restless, nauseated, clammy, weak, lethargic - and you can relate to my experience. (I didn't even want my laptop from home. Those of you who know me well understand how bad I felt!)

I'm happy to say I'm at home now - SO happy to say I'm at home. The contractions have stopped. I feel good (that's a relative term but compared to yesterday I feel good). August says it's great to have me back. (He said that on the phone on his way to pick me up at the hospital so I'm sure it had something to do with me acting and looking like death warmed over yesterday.)

The docs seem confidant that if the baby were to come now, he would probably do fine. Especially since I got steroid injections to speed up the development of his lungs during my first hospitalization. That's reassuring to know. Still, I know he couldn't be in any better place right now so I'm doing my best to comply even more to the doctor's order to stay still. I had a lot of contractions on Friday and Saturday and they think that's why this happened. I'll admit I probably had gotten a bit overly confidant, as my "bathroom trips" were straying farther and farther off the beaten path.

Here are a few respite ruminations I'll share:

• For our next baby (excuse me for a moment while I go pick August up off the floor) I want to deliver here. (You'll need to scroll down to see the beautiful birthing rooms.)
• You may have noticed in the left sidebar, that I added our virtue for April - charity. Initially the intent was that we would work on loving each other and the people around us better. What better virtue for this, the month of our Lord's Resurrection?! (We've done some neat activities in that vain that I'll try to share about soon.) However, already, I'm discovering it's also about learning to receive love as well. We have been on the receiving end BIG TIME recently. Just now, two care packages and a Whole Foods gift card, meant to be used for our Easter celebration, arrived in the mail. We're all overwhelmed. Also, at this moment, my two biggest girls are at their piano lessons, transported to and fro each week by a faithful friend. Another friend is bringing dinner tonight while another has offered to shop for me. I could really go on and on and on. Just know that my heart is overflowing and I will be forever grateful.
  
• This next thought is a note I wish I'd had the energy to write yesterday....although it's probably better that I didn't! Dear Ms. Nursing Instructor, Being a nurse myself, and therefore understanding the value of the hands-on experience a student receives when caring for patients, I can appreciate that you probably thought mine was an interesting and unusual case from which your student could gain great experience. Your student seemed eager and ready to learn. In fact, I'm sure Ed was a very nice guy. He was quite friendly as he sauntered into my room and began explaining to me about the various clinical uses of Magnesium Sulfate in the pregnant woman. But the fact is, I'd had all the "surprises" I could take for one day and would have appreciated your checking with me first before sending Ed into my room as I lay there in only my hospital gown. Sincerely yours, A Very Stressed Out and Highly Medicated Pregnant Woman
• My friends are great cooks. My arsenal of yummy recipes always grows during times such as this.
• Why is it when I decide each spring and fall to tackle the change over/pass down of seasonal clothes with the girls it takes us weeks to finally complete. Yet, when their Daddy does it, it takes 2 hours?!
  
• Just when I think I finally understand what it means to surrender all to God, He sends me yet another lesson. I always assumed if I bled again, the baby would be delivered. This last scenario wasn't one I had ever even considered. I had planned all the various possibilities out in my mind and Magnesium Sulfate was in none of them. Frankly, I much prefer it that way!
• We are now in Holy Week - the last precious days leading up to Easter. I've been pondering what it looks like to celebrate Easter from the couch. Our family has certain special traditions that we like to observe during this holy time of year. But most of those aren't conducive to couch sitting. We've received some ideas and treats from some very thoughtful and faith-filled folks from afar. So although this will be a very different Holy Week and Easter, I'm confidant it has the makings for some very, very special memories. In fact, there's something seemingly very sacred about celebrating new life as a new little life grows within me.
  

33 WEEKS!!

One more week down and 5 to go! Each week feels like such a victory!

More respite reflections (not necessarily in order of importance):

• When you're on the couch, and you have leanings toward introversion, and there's literally nowhere to find solitude except the bathroom (and even those trips are limited) and you've got a crew of "care-takers", some of whom are extroverts in need of lots of physical touch and some of whom are at stages of life where they are needing lots of re-assurance, it can be very, very draining. When this stint on the couch began, I shortsightedly thought that the focus of our family would shift to my needs. That has definitely been true on a physical level as there are many things I just can't do. But emotionally and spiritually, the opposite has happened. Maybe it's because there are fewer distractions preventing me from being in tune to my children or maybe their needs are greater these days or maybe both. Regardless, I sense their needs more strongly than ever and I'm so thankful for that - thankful for rich conversations with time to linger, thankful for tight hugs that seem to go on forever, thankful that I'm always available because there's nowhere else for me to go, and thankful for the opportunity to surrender my need for solitude. It's uncomfortable at times, even downright frustrating, but I see the fruit of it in my own heart and in our family. (Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if ti dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.--Jn 12:24, 25) God knows my needs and theirs. And when those needs seem to conflict, He is generous with His grace as He cares for us all.
• I now feel a kinship with all the little old ladies in the world who get gussied up just to go to their doctors appointment because it will be their biggest outing of the week!
  
• Humor is such good medicine. And thanks to some clownish kids and some comedian friends, I've enjoyed a lot of it recently. A good belly laugh can be such a balm to the spirit - and believe me, I've got the belly for it these days!!
  
• Our goal has been to get to thirty five weeks with this pregnancy. None of the docs suggested that time frame but it just seemed a good safe point in the pregnancy at which we could begin to breathe a little more easily. Not that I'll do anything differently at that point, but I will feel less of a sense of danger for this little guy. Baby's lungs should be nicely developed by then and he will also be a good 5-6 pounds. I realized last night that I turn 35 weeks on Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday is the goal. The Resurrected Lord is our goal. I'm learning that so much of this trial is as much (if not more) about the journey than the destination. While getting to 35 weeks will be cause for great celebration, experiencing Jesus along the way in each moment and accepting all that He has for me in this will be the greater prize.
  
• Netflix is a true sanity saver!!!
• I still have the best husband EVER.
  

WOW! Lab Results are in!!!

31!!!!!

That's my Hematocrit after a week and a half of triple doses of iron, spinach, molasses and lots of prayer! I am just giddy. Who would ever have thought that lab results could bring such joy??!! (People, I lost sleep over this last night. I really did!) This number means that if I were to have another "event" today, although there would definitely be risk involved, I would not be in immediate danger. It means I have some reserves whereas before, I had none. Oh-thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for this encouraging number and for your continued protection!!!