Dear Uncle Bryan.....

Brayden says "THANK YOU!"

From the bottom

of his.......

....well....

his BOTTOM....

"THANK YOU!"

My Very Perceptive Girl

Olivia (while lounging on the couch in the Family Room with me): Mom, it seems like you're always feeding him.

Me (on the opposite couch nursing Brayden): That's because I am.

Olivia: Do you have time to do anything else?

Me: No, that's why the house is such a mess.

Olivia: (smiles an understanding smile)


It's nice to be underst0od. :-)

Smooch Moratorium

Only in a house full of girls would you have to place a moratium on smooching! But fevers, sore throats, and runny noses have put a temporary halt on the constant public displays of affection Brayden receives at all hours of the day. It's nearly killing them to not be able to kiss him! ;)

Paw Prints Along the Path

Have you ever had an experience where you realize that what you thought would be a seemingly mundane encounter with someone is instead a divine appointment perfectly orchestrated by God himself? I have a friend who likes to say that Aslan is on the move when she sees God at work in her life or in someone's close by. I love that image of the Lord quietly padding about my life watching, working, and always loving despite my frequent oblivion to it. I had a conversation today that reminded me of this image and I felt so thankful for those times the Lord allows us to see the tangible evidence of his presence - his paw prints if you will.

Our family has grown close to a woman who I'll call "Hope" since I wish that so much for this sweet lady. Hope lost her husband, the love of her life, suddenly, back in the fall. He was hunting with a friend and they had taken a break. Apparently the spot where they chose to rest was breathtakingly beautiful because it caused Hope's husband to ponder God's beauty and the splendor of His creation aloud to his friend. After that, Hope's beloved dropped to the ground suffering a heart attack. He died right there in the woods. August, who had known Hope and her husband for quite some time, was one of the first people Hope called that painful day.

Last night, August and I were discussing plans for Brayden's upcoming baptism. I was telling him that we needed to figure out what Brayden would wear for the occasion. For many reasons, this baptism is ultra-special and I wanted him to wear something special but had no ideas what that might be. Instantly August's face lit up as he remembered that Hope had a little business sewing heirloom special occasion infant and childrens' clothing.

I was a little hesitant to call Hope since the baptism is only 10 days away but I did it anyway knowing it was probably a long shot. When she realized why I was calling, she told me the story of how she had been in her sewing room when she learned of her husband's death and hasn't been able to go back there since. She shared that her family members have been nudging her to get back to sewing but she just hasn't felt ready. She has been waiting for some special occasion to get her over the hump and back into the sewing room. Apparently, Brayden's baptism is just that. Her joy at the idea of creating such a special garment for Brayden was palpable over the phone lines. We set a time to get together and talk about ideas for the baptismal gown.

After hanging up the phone, I stood there stunned at how much Hope and I had needed each other today and didn't even know it. What began as our family's need is also being used as a healing balm in Hope's heart.

God could have kept me in the dark today and I wouldn't have known the difference. Yet, instead, He lovingly allowed me to glimpse the paw prints and I'm so very glad.

Happy Due Date Brayden!

Today is my due date and the day our family had been eyeing for months.Little did we know that by now we would have over 3 weeks of "getting-to-know-you" time with our sweet boy.
What a joyous head start we've had!You've come a long way baby!

The Makings of a Chunky Monkey

Brayden had yet another weight check today. But this time I used a new strategy. As I undressed him and placed him on the scale, I told him to do his best "fat boy" impersonation. And you know what?! He did! Our boy is up 9 ounces putting him a whopping 2 ounces over his birthweight! I'd say that is good reason to celebrate. He must have thought so too because he then proceeded to shoot a long stream onto the wall next to the scale. Fortunately, we go to August's partner so since we're "family" the nurses who had to wipe down the christened wall found it endearing rather than gross.

We'll try to post more pictures this weekend.

Countdown to The End.......Or Rather the Beginning

(This post was written 3 days before Brayden's birth but never published. The content is even more true now.)

In the past week, I've had two different conversations with folks who assumed we would "be done" having children after this one. The conversations included questions like this:

"You're not planning to have any more, right?"

or

"At least you know, since I'm sure you're not going to have any more, that you'll never have to go through something like this again, right?"

I really understand where they are coming from. Really I do. I'm 41 years old and about to have my fifth baby. August is older still (shhhhh......he really doesn't look it). Why would we add more to an already "oversized" family? Furthermore, we homeschool and we care for August's widowed mother who lives with us. Our plates are full enough, we're told.

But I guess my question is......who decides the size of the plate?

Seven years ago, I thought we did. Eliza had surprised us and we were stunned......and done! I couldn't imagine "handling" any more....and this was even after much prayer. But God had some things to say to me, to us. And this "conversation" between us and Our Lord would last years.

Soon after Eliza's birth, I read an article entitled The Baby IS The Lesson. (I'd encourage you to click over and read it......or if you don't have time now, come back later and give it a read. You don't have to have a newborn in the house to glean something useful from it.) Upon reading that article, I became the student, and Eliza (or God through Eliza) the teacher. Recesses of my heart, that I didn't even know existed, were opened. I was challenged to rethink my priorities and those things I thought I should be teaching/modeling to my children. I was challenged to reconsider how much importance I assigned to my own agenda for each day or even for my life. I was challenged to rethink my definitions of success and accomplishment. We (August and I) were challenged to rethink the value we place on our children and also our openness (or lack thereof) to new life in our family.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:24-25

I was, up until that point, a happy and contented grain of wheat. So much so, that my decisions were calculated in a way that would hopefully avoid any need for death to myself. I wasn't a horrible mother but I wanted to serve God in ways that I got to decide. I had plans and projects - good and noble - yet many of them distracted me from my family. And although I was glad to work my children in around those things, I did not understand that my children WERE the agenda. How much better would my children understand the sacrifice of Jesus for them on the cross if they were to see their own mother living sacrificially.

"Behold, sons are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the son's of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them!" Psalm 127:3-5

I'd love to do a word study on the word "happy" in the above verse. I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean a life without trials or pain but I'll bet it has a lot to do with fulfillment, lasting meaning, and joy. As I witnessed this "happiness" in families around us, I began to long for it and I noticed that the more I put aside my own plans and embraced what God had for me, the more peace and joy I experienced. Over time, it became clear that in our family, embracing what God had for us meant being open to more children - regardless of our ages, regardless of the size of our family already, regardless of not being understood (and possibly even being judged or mocked) by much of the world.

This baby that we'll all meet within the next two weeks is a culmination and a beginning. He is the culmination of many, many years of struggling, wrestling, and longing. He is an answer to 7 years (down to the month) of prayer. (Incidentally, the number 7 in the bible refers to fullness, completeness, or perfection.) He is evidence of changed hearts; and he is a sign of God's undeserved faithfulness and mercy. While I'd like to think this mama is more dead to herself than ever before, I'm sure I've still lots to learn. And I'm so glad the Lord has sent this little man to help me continue on in those lessons.

So maybe my plate is full now and maybe it's not. The truth is, I don't know the size of the plate, but I know the One who does and I'm keeping my eyes on Him.

Back in the 6 Pound Club

Brayden had another weight check today. If you recall, he was up 6 ounces in just 4 days last week. For that reason, I thought our goal of being back to birth weight by today wasn't unreasonable. That would have required a 10 ounce gain over the course of a week. Yet the little guy had only gained 3 ounces, bringing him to an even six pounds. Ugh!

I know I should feel encouraged that he's headed in the right direction but I had so hoped for a much greater gain this week. I really need to stop expecting him to act like all my other babies and keep remembering that we haven't even reached his due date yet. (Keep telling me that, would you please?)

I know we will get there, eventually, and this phase will be a distant memory. But in the getting there, however long it takes, I need to be more intentional about celebrating our victories, however small they may be. For although small, they are still a part of Brayden's story.

Sixteen Years and Counting

I remember the first time we met. You were hustling down the hall toward me, a smile on your face, no sign what-so-ever that I had inconvenienced you by calling you to come and assess a patient. You were friendly, patient, gentle, and kind.......to the patient, and to me (still a nursing student).....as you taught us both about the c-section infection that she was experiencing.

You continued to smile as you visited me in the wee hours of the morning while I worked the night shift. I really believed you were there by coincidence. The other nurses believed differently - in hindsite, I laugh at their keen intuition.

You smiled when I admitted I had lied to you even before our first date. Not about to miss the opportunity to get to know you, I enthusiastically accepted your invitation to a jazz concert with an eager "Yes!" to your question of whether I liked jazz music or not. You couldn't have known I hated it.

Sixteen years later and many joys and tribulations richer, you're still smiling. And, my dear, sweet, best friend.....you still make me smile.

I love you. Happy Anniversary.

Life with Mr. B

By Marina

He's Gaining!!

Our little man went in for his weight check today. He has put on 7 ounces in the past 5 days! Woohoo, we're headed in the right direction! Thank you for praying and thank you Lord!